Teens, Sex and Depression

Source: Connect with Kids

“It hurts, because I care so much about him.”

– Teagan, 15 years old

Fifteen-year-old Teagan says her new boyfriend is wonderful. “I never thought anyone like Preston could come along,” Teagan says. “He’s the greatest guy I’ve ever known.”

But is she as lucky as she thinks?

Studies show that romantic involvement brings adolescents down, rather than up. What’s more, researchers at the University of North Carolina find that teen girls who are sexually active are twice as likely to be depressed compared to girls not having sex.

But, even among abstinent teens who date, one of the problems is trust.

“Say your boyfriend went off to work and never called you that day,” Teagan says. “And you talked every single day on the phone. I mean you’d be kind of concerned and kind of wondering why. And then someone comes along and says ‘well maybe he’s cheating on you…’”

Combine adolescent insecurity with imagination and the result is a lot of questions: Where is he? Why doesn’t she call? Does he really like me? Why is she talking to that other boy?

That’s where most of the stress comes in,” Teagan says. “Getting thoughts in your head about what might be going on, when it probably isn’t going on at all.”

Experts say parents can help ease their child’s pain by listening and taking them seriously. It’s not puppy love to them, it’s real. “It hurts,” Teagan says, “because I care so much about him.”

Experts also advise teaching your child that early relationships may hurt, but they’re indispensable. “They will have many relationships before they finally settle on a life mate,” says Cheryl Benefield, a school counselor. “Let them know that when things happen, it’s maybe just preparing them for a better relationship in the future.”

Tips for Parents

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, boys and girls seem to be equally at risk for depressive disorders during childhood, but during adolescence, girls are twice as likely as boys to develop depression. Family history and stress are listed as factors, but another factor that often causes depression in girls is the break-up of a romantic relationship.

The authors of a study conducted at Cornell University titled “You Don’t Bring Me Anything but Down: Adolescent Romance and Depression,” found that females become “more depressed than males in adolescence partly as a consequence of their involvement in romantic relationships.” The reason? According to the study, “females’ greater vulnerability to romantic involvement explains a large part of the emerging sex difference in depression during adolescence.”

At any given time, five percent of children suffer from depression. Children under stress, who have experienced a loss, or who suffer from other disorders are at a higher risk for depression. Here are some signs of depression from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (if one or more of these signs of depression persist, parents should seek help):

Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying
Hopelessness
Decreased interest in activities, or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities
Persistent boredom; low energy
Social isolation, poor communication
Low self-esteem and guilt
Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
Increased irritability, anger or hostility
Difficulty with relationships
Frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches and stomachaches
Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school
Poor concentration
A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns
Talk of or efforts to run away from home
Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self destructive behavior
Getting an early diagnosis and medical treatment are critical for depressed children.

Depression is a serious condition, which, if left untreated, can even become life threatening. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, leading to nearly 4,000 deaths a year. The rate has tripled since 1960. Therapy can help teenagers understand why they are depressed and learn how to handle stressful situations. Treatment may consist of individual, group or family counseling. Medications prescribed by a psychiatrist may be needed to help teens feel better.

Ways of treating depression include:

Psychotherapy: to explore events and feelings that are painful and troubling. Psychotherapy also teaches coping skills.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy: to help teens change negative patterns of thinking and behaving.
Interpersonal therapy: to focus on ways of developing healthier relationships at home and school.
Medication: to relieve some symptoms of depression (often prescribed along with therapy).
References
Journal of Health and Social Behavior
National Institute of Mental Health
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
National Mental Health Association
University of North Carolina

Problem Parents Contribute to Teen Drug Use

Source: LA Times

A survey on substance abuse among teens was released this morning that really lowers the boom on parents. The annual survey from the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University calls out parents for contributing to drug and alcohol use among kids ages 12 to 17. Some parents fail to monitor their children's activities, do not safeguard medications at home that can be used for abuse, and do not set good examples for their kids, the report said. Almost half of the teens surveyed -- a nationally representative sample of 1,002 teens and 312 of their parents -- said they leave the house to hang out with friends on school nights. Among those teens, half who come home after 10 p.m. said they had been drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana or doing other drugs. Just under 30% of those who come home between 8 and 10 p.m. said they had been drinking or using drugs. In contrast, only 14% of the parents said their teens leave the house to hang out with friends on school nights.

Who is telling the truth? The report suggests that parents are pretty clueless about their kids' schedules and how they spend their free time.

"Every mother and father should look in the mirror and ask themselves if they are doing the parenting essential to help their child negotiate the difficult teen years free of tobacco, alcohol and drugs," said Elizabeth Planet, CASA's director of special projects.

CASA president and former U.S. Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare Joseph A. Califano said this:

"Preventing substance abuse among teens is primarily a mom and pop operation. It is inexcusable that so many parents fail to appropriately monitor their children, fail to keep dangerous prescription drugs out of the reach of their children and tolerate drug infected schools. The parents who smoke marijuana with children should be considered child abusers. By identifying the characteristics of problem parents we seek to identify the actions that parents can take -- and avoid -- in order to become part of the solution and raise healthy, drug-free children."

No one said parenting was easy, and parents in the survey said overwhelmingly that it's harder today to keep kids safe and raise them with good moral character than it was in previous generations. Resources to help and support parents are available, such as those that can be found on the CASA website. Also, try the National Institute on Drug Abuse and the National Youth Anti-Drug media campaign for more resources.

It would probably be helpful for all of us who are parents to get our heads out of the sand. Times change, and the culture kids are growing up in today is different from back in our day. For example, the survey also found these hair-raising trends:

For the first time in the survey's 13-year history, more teens said prescription drugs were easier to buy than beer.

42% of the teens said they can buy marijuana in a day or less.

One-quarter of teens said they know a parent of a classmate or friend who uses marijuana and 10% of those teens said this parent smokes marijuana with teens.

Half of the teens ages 16 and 17 said that among their age group smoking marijuana is more common than smoking cigarettes.

Of the teens who drink, almost 30% said their drink of choice was hard liquor mixed with soda or something sweet compared with 16% who said they prefer beer.
-- Shari Roan

(Sue Scheff) Teen Suicide - An Introduction

Suicide is the third most common cause of death amongst adolescents between 15-24 years of age, and the sixth most common cause of death amongst 5-14 year olds. It is estimated that over half of all teens suffering from depression will attempt suicide at least once, and of those teens, roughly seven percent will succeed on the first try. Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the threat of suicide, because in addition to increased stress from school, work and peers, teens are also dealing with hormonal fluctuations that can complicate even the most normal situations.

Because of these social and personal changes, teens are also at higher risk for depression, which can also increase feelings of despair and the desire to commit suicide. In fact, according to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) almost all people who commit suicide suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder or substance abuse disorder. Often, teens feel as though they have no other way out of their problems, and may not realize that suicidal thoughts and feelings can be treated. Unfortunately, due to the often volatile relationship between teens and their parents, teens may not be as forthcoming about suicidal feelings as parents would hope. The good news is there are many signs parents can watch for in their teen without necessarily needing their teen to open up to them.

At some point in most teens’ lives, they will experience periods of sadness, worry and/or despair. While it is completely normal for a healthy person to have these types of responses to pain resulting from loss, dismissal, or disillusionment, those with serious (often undiagnosed) mental illnesses often experience much more drastic reactions. Many times these severe reactions will leave the teen in despair, and they may feel that there is no end in sight to their suffering. It is at this point that the teen may lose hope, and with the absence of hope comes more depression and the feeling that suicide is the only solution. It isn’t.

Teen girls are statistically twice as likely as their male counterparts to attempt suicide. They tend to turn to drugs (overdosing) or to cut themselves, while boys are traditionally more successful in their suicide attempts because they utilize more lethal methods such as guns and hanging. This method preference makes boys almost four times more successful in committing suicide.

Studies have borne out that suicide rates rise considerably when teens can access firearms in their home. In fact, nearly 60% of suicides committed in the United States that result in immediate death are accomplished with a gun. This is one crucial reason that any gun kept in a home with teens, even if that teen does not display any outward signs of depression, be stored in a locked compartment away from any ammunition. In fact, the ammunition should be stored in a locked compartment as well, and the keys to both the gun and ammunition compartments should be kept in a different area from where normal, everyday keys are kept. Remember to always keep firearms, ammunition, and the keys to the locks containing them, away from kids.

Unfortunately, teen suicide is not a rare event. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that suicide is the third leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24. This disturbing trend is affecting younger children as well, with suicide rates experiencing dramatic increases in the under-15 age group from 1980 to 1996. Suicide attempts are even more prevalent, though it is difficult to track the exact rates.

Learn more click here.

http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Sue Scheff: Inhalant Abuse Tool Kit - Parents need to learn more

In 2004, the Alliance for Consumer Education launched ITS Inhalant Abuse Prevention Kit at a national press conference at the National Press Club in Washington DC. The kit was successfully tested in 6 pilot states across the country. Currently, ACE’s Inhalant Abuse Prevention Kit is in all 50 states. Furthermore, the Kit is in its third printing due to high demands.

The Kit is intended for presentations to adult audiences. Specifically parents of elementary and middle school children, so they can talk to their children about the dangers and risks associated with Inhalants. We base the program on data from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America. Statistics show that parents talking to their kids about drugs decrease the risk of the kids trying a drug.

The Inhalant Abuse Prevention Kit contains 4 components: the Facilitator’s Guide, a FAQ sheet, an interactive PowerPoint presentation, and a “What Every Parent Needs to Know about Inhalant Abuse” brochure. Additionally, there are 4 printable posters for classroom use, presentations, etc.

Visit http://www.inhalant.org/

Sue Scheff: Binge Drinking and Teens

By Connect with Kids

“There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group … is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”

– Robert Margolis, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

Binge drinking is considered to be a rite of passage for teenagers across the country. “I drank a liter of tequila in an hour, and I went to this pizza place, and I passed out in the parking lot. I woke up the next morning,” remembers Cleophus Randolph, a 22-year-old college student.

Suzanne Graham had a similar experience: “This summer I went kind of crazy, the summer after senior year, I passed out in someone’s backyard. It was not good, and I was throwing up pretty heavily the next day and all that night.”

The consequences can range from sickness to far worse — “where they don’t get a second chance because they get alcohol poisoning. Their heart rate and their body metabolism slows down and, for whatever reason, they don’t recover from it. If you drink enough alcohol you die,” explains Dr. Robert Margolis, clinical psychologist.

His advice is to set clear boundaries for your children. Tell them what to expect, teach them how to say no, and, most of all, start early. He says middle school is the perfect time. “Those are the years when you really need to start talking about those messages, so you can help them form appropriate expectations about drinking, particularly in regard to important issues like, you can be accepted without having to drink.”

Dr. Margolis empathizes with parents who feel they’re standing alone against a part of the culture that believes teenage drinking is inevitable. “There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group, that we’re all gonna go out and get drunk, is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”

And, sadly every year some kids die — an estimated 1,400 students die from alcohol related causes. Another 500,000 suffer serious injuries. In fact, getting “wasted” is so common that some kids even think it’s funny, like 18-year-old Jason Morgan: “I’ve had friends just outside the door, heaving. It wasn’t bad, it was a good time for most, and entertaining for the sober people to laugh at them, so it was pretty fun.”

Tips for Parents

Research defines binge drinking as having five or more drinks in a row. Reasons adolescents give for binge drinking include: to get drunk, the status associated with drinking, the culture of drinking on campus, peer pressure and academic stress. Binge drinkers are 21 times more likely to: miss class, fall behind in schoolwork, damage property, injure themselves, engage in unplanned and/or unprotected sex, get in trouble with the police, and drink and drive.

Young people who binge drink could be risking serious damage to their brains now and increasing memory loss later in adulthood. Adolescents may be even more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Consider the following:

The average girl takes her first sip of alcohol at age 13. The average boy takes his first sip of alcohol at age 11.

Underage drinking causes over $53 billion in criminal, social and health problems.

Seventy-seven percent of young drinkers get their liquor at home, with or without permission.

Students who are binge drinkers in high school are three times more likely to binge drink in college.

Nearly 25 percent of college students report frequent binge drinking, that is, they binged three or more times in a two-week period.

Autopsies show that patients with a history of chronic alcohol abuse have smaller, less massive and more shrunken brains.

Alcohol abstinence can lead to functional and structural recovery of alcohol-damaged brains.
Alcohol is America’s biggest drug problem. Make sure your child understands that alcohol is a drug and that it can kill him/her. Binge drinking is far more pervasive and dangerous than boutique pills and other illicit substances in the news. About 1,400 students will die of alcohol-related causes this year. An additional 500,000 will suffer injuries.

A study by the Harvard School of Public Health showed that 51 percent of male college students and 40 percent of female college students engaged in binge drinking in the previous two weeks. Half of these drinkers binged frequently (more than three times per week). College students who binge drink report:

Interruptions in sleep or study habits (71 percent).
Caring for an intoxicated student (57 percent).
Being insulted or humiliated (36 percent).
An unwanted sexual experience (23 percent).
A serious argument (23 percent).
Damaging property (16 percent).
Being pushed, hit or assaulted (11 percent).
Being the victim of a sexual advance assault or date rape (1 percent).

Students must arrive on college campuses with the ability to resist peer pressure and knowing how to say no to alcohol. For many youngsters away from home for the first time, it is difficult to find the courage to resist peer pressure and the strength to answer peer pressure with resounding no. Parents should foster such ability in their child's early years and nurture it throughout adolescence. Today’s youth needs constant care from parents and community support to make the best decisions for their wellbeing.

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Harvard School of Public Health
National Youth Violence Prevention Center

Sue Scheff: Home Alone

By Connect with Kids

“99 Percent of the time we would follow the rules but you know, every time every now and then you want to just stray from the circle and do what you want instead of the rules.”

– Jamal, 16 years old

We know them as latch key kids. Most afternoons they come home alone and unlock the door to a world free from adult supervision.

Once inside, they often encounter boredom … and temptation.

Because both of his parents work, sixteen-year-old Jamal Inegbedion spends many afternoons home alone with his sister. He says it’s hard to be good all the time, “99 Percent of the time we would follow the rules but you know, every time every now and then you want to just stray from the circle and do what you want instead of the rules.”

Whether young or old, kids alone are prime targets for trouble.

“When there’s no parent around or anyone involved in supervising them they have idle time,” explains Judge Greg Adams, “and what is the old adage idle time is the devil’s workshop. And as a result of that, they get with other young people and they are experimenting with drugs. That’s when a lot of it takes place right after school before the parents get home.”

So, how do parents decide when to leave kids alone? How to keep them safe? And how to keep them out of trouble?

Experts say leaving kids alone before age twelve is a big risk.

After that, “Try very short periods of time and see how the child reacts and how fearful they are,” advises David Hellwig from Child Protective Services. “A parent really knows their child best about their maturity level. [And] Certainly, having emergency phone numbers being immediately available; whether there’s a supportive neighbor relative close by.”

Give them specific instructions, chores to keep them busy, rules to follow and make sure kids know there are consequences for bad behavior.

Jamal’s mom says her kids know the rules … and what will happen if they don’t follow them. “I would let them know that if they didn’t follow instruction I would punish them but most of all worse things could happen to them.”


Tips for Parents
Every day in America, nearly 8 million children go home to an empty house. Experts say, the after school hours are the peak time for juvenile crime and risky behaviors. The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention reports that teens are at the highest risk of being a victim of violence between 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. and the peak hour for juvenile crime is from 3 p.m. and 4 p.m., just after school is dismissed. Studies also show that students who don’t take part in after-school activities, such as sports or after-school programs are 49 percent more likely to have used drugs and 37 percent more likely to become teen parents.

The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center defines after-school programs as safe, structured activities that convene regularly in the hours after school and offer activities to help children learn new skills and develop into responsible adults. Activities may cover such topics as technology, reading, math, science and the arts. And the programs may also offer new experiences for children, such as community service, internships or tutoring and mentoring opportunities.

As a parent, why should you consider an after-school program for your child? Without structured, supervised activities in the after-school hours, youth are at greater risk of being victims of crime or participating in antisocial behaviors.

If you are interested in enrolling your child in an after-school program, you have several different types from which to choose. The Educational Resources Information Center says that a good after-school program should offer children the chance to have fun and feel comforted, as well as motivate them to learn. The best programs offer a comprehensive set of activities that do the following for your child:

Foster his or her self-worth and develop his or her self-care skills
Develop his or her personal and interpersonal social skills and promote respect for cultural diversity.
Provide help with homework, tutoring and other learning activities
Provide time and space for quiet study
Provide new, developmentally appropriate enrichment activities to add to his or her learning at school, help him or her develop thinking and problem-solving skills and spark curiosity and love of learning
Provide recreational and physical activities to develop physical skills and constructively channel his or her energy pent up after a day sitting in a classroom
Encourage participation in individual sports activities to help develop self-esteem by striving for a personal best, and participation in group sports to provide lessons about cooperation and conflict resolution
Provide age-appropriate job readiness training
Provide information about career and career-training options, preferably through firsthand experiences with community business leaders and tours of local businesses
Some programs may be excellent while others may be lacking in resources and staff, and therefore, less attractive to parents. It is important when choosing an after-school program to ask questions, visit the facility and get to know the staff.


References
21st Century Community Learning Centers
Boys & Girls Clubs of America
Educational Resources Information Center
National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

Sue Scheff: Gateway Drugs and Teens

A gateway drug is a drug that opens the metaphorical gateway to more potent, dangerous drugs. Substances like alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana are considered gateway drugs. While many parents are tempted to say "it's only beer" or "its just pot", the danger in gateway drugs is their ability to convince the user that they can handle larger quantities or in many cases, stronger, more potent substances.

Learn more about Teen Drug Prevention.

Sue Scheff: When Your Teen is Caught Shoplifting

By Education.com Patricia Smith

You answer the phone and cringe. Your 14 year-old son walked out of Martin’s Market with a six-pack of Pepsi under his jacket without paying, so says Officer Jones on the other end of the line. Driving to the market to retrieve your son and face Mr. Martin, you wonder, is shoplifting just kid stuff? Or is my son diving headlong into a life of crime?

Take a deep breath. Most likely, this first shoplifting incident doesn’t signal trouble ahead. Even though your son had plenty of change in his pocket and Pepsi in the fridge, doesn’t mean he’s leaving your family to join the Sopranos.

Shoplifting is sometimes viewed as an adolescent rite of passage, albeit an illegal one. The National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC) reports that 24% of apprehended shoplifters are teens, aged 13-17 years old. Teens steal on an impulse or for a thrill. Peer pressure is often cited as the reason. While you might feel motivated to send your son to the doghouse, even McGruff the Crime Dog, icon of the NCPC, recommends that you don’t overreact to the first offense. That said, do take the following steps to convey your concern to your child:

Decide on the consequences beforehand. One in four shoplifters caught is a teen. Think about how you’d handle things if your child was caught shoplifting. Be sure to share your thoughts with your spouse. It’s important to present a united front if an incident does occur.

Remain calm at the scene of the crime. Confronting your child will only add to the humiliation and embarrassment he is probably feeling. Get all the facts. Listen to the authorities and agree to take an active role in the solution.

Allow a cooling off period. Best not to unload on your son the minute you reach your driveway.
Take time, at least a day, to let everyone cool off before discussing the incident. Present corrective action in a timely manner. Lay out the consequences to your son as soon as possible.
If too much time passes, the consequences won’t connect to the action. Be firm, but caring.

Follow through. Important life lessons will be lost if you don’t follow through on your disciplinary actions. Keep your word.

Shoplifting is a serious offense, but most teens are experimenting when they try it—never believing they’ll get caught. When they are, they feel remorse and seldom repeat the offense. So take those sticky fingers seriously, but know that you probably don’t have a future mobster on your hands—just a child who needs help learning from his mistakes.

www.education.com
www.helpyourteens.com
www.witsendbook.com

Sue Scheff: Getting Your Teen To Talk

By ParentingMyTeen.com

Visit - http://www.parentingmyteen.com/


Depending upon your relationship, getting your teen to talk to you could be an agonizing or enjoyable exchange. If your teen is not communicative or willing to discuss issues, then it is up to you to find ways to get your teen to open up. How? Here are some suggestions.Oftentimes, teens are afraid to discuss a problem head on. Therefore, living in a home that is filled with love and understanding is crucial. While one teen may find it easier to talk to Mom and another feels more comfortable talking with Dad, the conditions in the home are critical to the teen being able to talk about anything at anytime. This process begins at birth. Having conversations with each other is one way to instill a sense of openness in the home. Moms and dads who constantly talk to each other and their children, whether at the dinner table or during bedtime, allow the child to feel good about discussing any topic with one or both parents. Consequently, your child will grow up in an atmosphere where freedom of expression is not only expected but encouraged.

Teenagers come with their own set of problems and issues. It’s the natural course of events for teens. This does not mean, however, they must sit in their rooms contemplating situations which they are neither ready for, nor can handle. Keeping the lines of communication open may be difficult at times, especially if all you get out of your teenager is a grunt of acknowledgement. Don’t give up, no matter how difficult the situation becomes. Whether your teen will admit it or not, having you there allows them to feel safe and secure, even though they don’t show it.

You can be assured, however, when the time is right and when the teen feels there are no other options available, he or she will open up. This is the point at which you should listen carefully to what is being offered. While your teen may not be asking your advice, the ability to be able to say what is on his or her mind may be enough to get out of the funk he or she is in.

However, if you feel your teen has become so distant that nothing seems to work, it may be time to seek help. In the meantime, without being invasive, keep an eye on your teen, ensure he or she is eating and sleeping, and communicating with friends. Every teen is different in how they approach life’s ups and downs. Think back to when you were a teen. Were you as open with your parents as you’d like your teen to be? If not, perhaps the inability to talk openly amongst family members began then.

As parents, we have a lot to deal with in our own lives. Sometimes even we shut down due to the pressure. Getting your teen to talk to you may be just as hard as getting your spouse to talk to you. It is in talking that we let out our innermost thoughts and feelings. Perhaps by learning how to talk to each other, you will instill confidence in your teen to follow your lead.


www.helpyourteens.com
www.witsendbook.com

Sue Scheff: Is Your Child in Trouble?

Is Your Child in Trouble?

This article from the American Chronicle by Genae-Valecia Hinesman lists and details several signs that parents should watch out for, as they may indicate problems in your child's life. Many of these signals are also applicable for inhalant abuse, but this is a great article to read for any parent.

1. Erratic Behavior


"As young people carve out their own individuality separate from that of their parents´, and seek an answer to the proverbial question, "Who AM I?" they could clash more frequently with those around them. They may be happy one minute and sullen the next. Even this is normal. However, if your child starts reacting violently, either at home or at school, clearly something is seriously wrong."

2. Loss of Coordination, Glazed Eyes, Slurred Speech

"Without question, only two things can explain these symptoms. The first is that the person in question has suffered a stroke or a seizure. The second is that this person is inebriated. Both situations require immediate action. If your child is intoxicated, your first duty is to keep them from leaving the house until sober, for their own safety and the safety of others.

Once they are coherent, find out what they were taking and where they obtained it. If they were found unconscious, and taken to a hospital, medical testing will be able to provide a toxicology report. Encourage them to seek help, if addicted, and at least undergo counseling to learn how to avoid future dependency. Help in any way you can, but let them know that they must want to help themselves, in order to successfully change for the better."


3. Persistant Sadness and Withdrawel from Others

"Any child showing these signs for more than two weeks without interruption is clearly depressed. A change in eating habits and/or grooming has probably also been noticed. If so, something, or a combination of things, has triggered these changes. Your job is to find out what."

4. Honor Student to Dropout

"If your consistently top-notch student suddenly loses interest in school with grades in two or more classes plummeting, take heed! Straight A´s simply don´t turn into D´s overnight. Sit down with him or her and find out what´s happening in your child´s life.

Whatever it happens to be, let him or her know that you´re willing not only to help, but to listen as well. Refuse to accept "Leave me alone!" or "Nothing!" as acceptable answers. If they won´t talk to you, find another trusted adult with whom they will talk. Seek professional help if they need it."


5. Drastic Social Changes

"Friends and companions can and sometimes should, change a bit by the time your child leaves high school. Nevertheless, if your child´s associates suddenly are vastly different in negative ways from those they used to spend time with, this is usually a very bad sign. It´s even more telling if they now avoid or shun their old friends for no readily apparent reason."

6. Finding Unusual Possessions

"Discovering drugs, whether prescription, over-the-counter, or illegal narcotics that you had no idea that your child was using calls for immediate address. The same can be said for condoms, birth control devices, cigarettes, alcohol, and drug paraphernalia of any kind.

Recently, even glue, industrial products, and cleaning supplies have been used as inhalants (known among teens as "huffing") by kids seeking to get "high"-- often with fatal results. Finding these in your child´s room, pockets, or belongings is just as serious as finding a weapon. More than a red flag, this is a screaming siren!"


7. Legal Troubles

"Finally, if your child has been arrested at least once, this is clear indication that the situation is rapidly careening beyond the scope of your reach. By the time law enforcement becomes involved two or more times, your child has become society´s problem and the courts will soon decide his or her future.

Repeated run-ins with legal authorities can never be overlooked as "just a phase". There may still be hope, but only if drastic measures are taken and your child still cares enough to save himself or herself. Only so many chances are given to legal offenders. Don´t let time run out. Intervene while you still can."


These are all excellent points and can be of help to parents who ask, "is my kid abusing inhalants?" The warning signs are often subtle, but they are there.





http://www.inhalant.org/


http://www.helpyourteens.com/


http://www.witsendbook.com/

Sue Scheff: A Cry for Help - Teens Cutting Themselves

By Connect with Kids

“For some reason, when I’d get depressed, I would just take a razor and I’d cut little slits in my arm. I don’t know why I did it.”

– Melissa, 19

At thirteen, Melissa Gerjoi tried to kill herself.

“I just wanted to do something, something that would just totally stop everything,” Melissa, now 19, recounts.

She later realized she didn’t want to die; she wanted to get rid of the pain.

“For some reason, when I’d get depressed, I would just take a razor and I’d cut little slits in my arm,” she says. “And I don’t know why I did it, and I don’t know why it was any consolation whatsoever.”

It was after her father died in a car crash that Melissa started cutting herself. It was her way of coping.

“Sometimes kids are engaging in this behavior as a way of converting their intense emotional pain into the more tolerable physical pain,” explains Dr. Leslie Apfelbaum, a child psychologist.

According to a study by the Centers for Disease Control, in the year 2005, nearly half a million people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted wounds. More of them were teenagers than any other age group. Experts say most aren’t trying to die, they’re crying out for help.

“We actually call it suicidal gestures,” says Dr. Apfelbaum. “…a way of asking for help without actually doing something too harmful.”

A change in behavior, as well as long sleeves and baggy clothes to hide scars, are clues your child may be hurting themselves. Professional therapy can help unlock the emotional pain.

Family support and time away at boarding school helped Melissa pull her life back together and stop the vicious cycle of self-inflicted pain.

“I sort of stopped my life and went on and started a new one,” she says. “I mean, I totally turned around and changed into a different person.”

Tips for Parents
Self-Injury May Be Path to Suicide

What exactly constitutes self-injury? According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), self-injury is the act of deliberately destroying body tissue – at times to change a way of feeling. Lately it has become a popular among adolescents, and its forms may include the following:

Carving
Scratching
Branding
Marking
Picking and pulling skin and hair
Burning
Cutting
Biting
Head banging
Bruising
Hitting
Excessive tattooing
Excessive body piercing
The AACAP says that teens engage in self-mutilation in order to take risks, to rebel, to reject their parents’ values, to state their individuality or merely to be accepted by their peers. Others, however, may injure themselves out of desperation or anger to seek attention, to show their hopelessness and worthlessness or because they have suicidal thoughts. Some young children may resort to self-injurious acts from time to time but often grow out of it. Children with mental retardation and/or autism may also show these behaviors, which may persist into adulthood. And children who have been abused or abandoned may self-mutilate.

The Self-Harm Alliance cites the following factors that may contribute to a teen’s reasons for self-harming:

Loss of a loved one
Physical abuse, such as domestic violence
Sexual abuse, such as rape or child abuse
Verbal abuse, such as bullying
Childhood neglect from one or both parents
Physical Illness or disability
Loss of freedom
Relationship problems

If your child or adolescent is engaging in self-harm, the AACAP says it is important to talk to your child about respecting and valuing his or her body. You can also help your teen to avoid hurting himself or herself by teaching him or her the following skills:

To accept reality and find ways to make the present moment more tolerable
To identify feelings and talk them out rather than acting on them
To distract himself or herself from feelings of self-harm (counting to 10, waiting 15 minutes, saying “NO!” or “STOP!,” practicing breathing exercises, journaling, drawing, thinking about positive images, using ice and rubber bands, etc.)
To stop, think and evaluate the pros and cons of self-injury
To soothe himself or herself in a positive, non-injurious way
To practice positive stress management
To develop better social skills

You should have your child evaluated by a mental health professional to identify and treat the underlying causes of self-injury. A child and adolescent psychiatrist can also diagnose and treat any serious psychiatric disorders that may accompany your child’s self-injurious behavior.

The most severe cases of self-injury result in suicide. The CDC estimates about 32,000 people commit suicide every year in the United States. It is the third leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-old. The National Association of School Psychologists cites the following signs indicating that your child’s self-injurious behavior may be escalating to suicide:

Suicide notes: These notes are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.
Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die” or “I am going to kill myself”) or, unfortunately, indirect comments (“The world would be better without me” and “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.

“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse.

Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms, such as giving away prized possessions like jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.

Continued efforts to hurt oneself: Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic, jumping from heights and scratching, cutting or marking the body.

Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include an inability to sleep or sleeping all of the time, sudden weight gain or loss and disinterest in appearance or hygiene.

If one or more of these signs occurs, talk to your child about your concerns and seek professional help when the concerns persist. With support from family and professional treatment, your child can heal and return to a more healthy path of development.

As a parent, you can help prevent teen suicide in the following ways, according to PROMINA Health System:

Know the warning signs and when to get a professional assessment.

Learn who your child is, how he or she feels and what he or she thinks by being more involved in his or her life.

Improve and enhance adult supervision and socialization and monitor the feelings, thoughts and behaviors of your child.

Emphasize honest communication and sharing.

Emphasize honest cooperation with authority and systems, such as school, church, work or rules at home.

References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Association of School Psychologists
PROMINA Health System
Self-Harm Alliance

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Understanding Teen Decision Making

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

What was he thinking? How could she? If you find yourself wondering what your teen was thinking, the answer may be not much. Kids often make snap judgments based on impulse, especially when situations come up quickly, leaving teens with little time to sort through the pros and cons.

Some of those hasty decisions may involve cheating in school; skipping class; using alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs; going somewhere or being with someone that you do not approve of; or driving too fast. But the consequences can include losing your trust, letting down friends, getting into trouble, hurting education and job prospects, causing illness or injury, or leading to other reckless behavior.

Click here for entire article from http://www.education.com/

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Sue Scheff: Talking to your Kids About Drugs

Source: The Nemours Foundation

Just as you inoculate your children against illnesses like measles, you can help "immunize" them against drug use by giving them the facts before they're in a risky situation.
When kids don't feel comfortable talking to parents, they're likely to seek answers elsewhere, even if their sources are unreliable. Kids who aren't properly informed are at greater risk of engaging in unsafe behaviors and experimenting with drugs.

Click here for the entire article.

http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Talking_Your_Drugs/

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Sue Scheff: Surviving Teen Depression - A Relentless Hope

A Relentless Hope: Surviving The Storm of Teen Depression
By Gary E. Nelson

(Published by Cascade Books, an imprint of Wipf & Stock, a traditional publisher)


Depression and related illnesses threaten to wreck the lives of many teens and their families. Suicide driven by these illnesses is one of the top killers of young people. How do teens become depressed? What does depression feel like? How can we identify it? What helps depressed teens? What hurts them? How do families cope with teen depression?

In, A Relentless Hope, Dr. Nelson uses his experience as a pastor and pastoral counselor to guide the reader through an exploration of these and many other questions about depression in teens. He's worked with many teens over the years offering help to those confronted by this potentially devastating illness. The author also uses the story of his own son's journey through depression to weave together insights into the spiritual, emotional, cognitive, biological, and relational dimensions of teen depression. The book is written for those without formal clinical training, so it appeals to teens, parents, teachers, pastors, and any who walk with the afflicted through this valley of the shadow of death. Through careful analysis, candid self-revelation, practical advice, and even humor, this pastor, counselor, and father, reminds us God's light of healing can shine through the darkness of depression and offer hope for struggling teens and their families.

Dr. Nelson is available for speaking engagements, workshops, and interviews. See the contact page for information about reaching him. http://survivingteendepression.com/index.html

Sue Scheff: Learn More about the Challenges Teen face today

Connect with Kids is a comprehensive website that offers parenting articles, helpful tips for parents, parent forums and more. They also offer Parenting DVD's on a variety of subjects that affect our kids today. Whether it is Troubled Teens or how to raise successful kids - there is probably a DVD that can help you better understand the issues surrounding our kids today.

Click here for more information and a variety of Parenting DVD's.

Sue Scheff: Teen Drug - Salvia

By Connect with Kids

“They feel very out of control; it’s very scary. They will literally have blackouts, and what we are seeing is a lot of people having accidents because they lose their coordination. They aren’t able to think clearly, so we are seeing people fall, stumble, hurt themselves, and have driving accidents.”

– Heather Hayes, LPC, drug counselor

Today, more teenagers are smoking a powerful hallucinogenic herb that is native to Mexico. It is a potent drug, the effects are almost instantaneous, and because it is legal in most states, it has caught the attention of lawmakers around the country.

Henri and Thomas say they have a friend who’s tried it. It’s called Salvia.

“He smoked it, and then went to scratch his head … and can’t remember anything after that,” says Henri Hollis, 18.

Add Thomas Steed, 18, “His friend said he was just going like this [flailing his arms] for like 20 minutes straight.”

In most states, salvia is legal. However, the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) has salvia on its list of “Drugs and Chemicals of Concern.” On the streets and in head shops, salvia is also referred to as “magic mint,” “sally-d” and “diviner’s sage.”

“My friend just brought some over one day, and I was like, ‘Alright!’ says Nick Nehf, 18. “I mean, I’d never heard of it before, but he said he had bought it down the street at the head shop and I was like, ‘Alright, whatever.’”

“Salvia divinorum is a perennial herb that grows wild in Mexico. It’s a hallucinogenic. It’s what back in the 60s we used to call a psychedelic,” says Heather Hayes, licensed professional counselor (LPC) and drug counselor.

Experts say that salvia affects the brain nearly 10 times faster than cocaine, and targets the parts of the brain responsible for motor function.

“They feel very out of control; it’s very scary. They will literally have blackouts, and what we are seeing is a lot of people having accidents because they lose their coordination. They aren’t able to think clearly, so we are seeing people fall, stumble, hurt themselves, and have driving accidents,” says Hayes.

Many states are now considering legislation to ban salvia.

In the meantime, experts say, explain to your kids that just because something is temporarily legal doesn’t mean it is safe.

“Initially, when the drug Ecstasy was developed it was not illegal, but shortly after it was,” says Hayes. “And now we know that Ecstasy is extremely damaging to the brain -- we have people who die after one use. So that would be the analogy I’d give.”

“Anybody who I’ve talked to who has done it says they are never going to try it again because it was too much for them,” says Steed.

Tips for Parents

Partnership for a Drug-Free America and the Media Awareness Program offer these tips to help keep kids from using drugs:

It sounds simple, but one of the best ways to keep your kids drug-free is to show them you care. Simple gestures like an unexpected hug or saying ‘I love you" everyday can help kids gain the confidence to say no to drugs.
Look for teachable moments. Talk about a recent drug or alcohol-related incident in your family or community.
Explain the principles of "why" and not just "what" to do or not do.
Teach real-world coping skills: drug prevention can start by building a teen's confidence for a job interview or teaching a child how to rebuff a schoolmate who wants to copy homework.

Parents remain one of the strongest moral influences on kids, and they need to send a clear anti-drug message. Studies show that parental ambivalence increases a child's risk for drug use.

Focus on one drug at a time: there's strong evidence that media attention to harmful effects of specific drugs has made a difference.

For instance, a 1995 ad campaign about abuse of inhalants, such as paint thinners and glues, precipitated a drastic drop in use.

In 1986, cocaine use fell after extensive news reports on the death of Len Bias, a college-basketball star who died after using cocaine.

(Currently, Heath Ledger’s death has prompted drug rehabilitation for other celebrities as well as the general population.)

These examples illustrate the life cycle of a drug. Word of a drug's “benefits” spreads rapidly, but there is a lag time before kids learn about the dangers. Once the risks become apparent, occasional users drop the drug and potential new users don't try it. Parents and educators can make a difference if they pay attention to the life cycle of a newly popular drug and work to quickly spread the word about harmful effects.

Don't lecture: the use of lecturing is often cited as the single biggest flaw in the best-known and most popular anti-drug programs. Get kids more involved in the lesson, such as asking them to discuss how they'd react at a party where kids were drinking.

Repeat the message: the most successful anti-drug classes are those that are presented over the course of a child's school career.

References
Partnership for a Drug-Free America
Media Awareness Program

Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Tough Love and Teens Today

As a parent advocate, I have heard many parents that turn to tough love as one of their last resorts to help their struggling teen.

Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, tough love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit.

Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.

There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough!

This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups, along with professional intervention.

This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.

Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.

If you see that tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally.

Tough love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child. While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur.

Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding. Tough love if used correctly can be helpful. However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing.

Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems. Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.

Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.

By Sue Scheff

Founder of Parents' Universal Resource Experts

Author of Wit's End!

Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - P.U.R.E.

Are you struggling with your teen? Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ P.U.R.E. - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Parents helping parents.

P.U.R.E. is based on reality - especially with today's teen society of technology including MySpace and other Internet concerns for children. Today we are educating children at much younger ages about substance abuse, sex, and more.

The latest wave of music and lyrics, television, and movies help to contribute to generate a new spin on this age group.

This leads to new areas of concern for parents. We recognize that each family is different with a variety of needs. P.U.R.E. believes in creating Parent Awareness to help you become an educated parent in the teen help industry.

We will give you a feeling of comfort in a situation that can be confusing, stressful, frustrating, and sometimes desperate.Desperate? Confused? Stressed? Anxious? Helplessness? Frustrated? Scared? Exhausted? Fearful? Alone? Drained? Hopelessness? Out of Control? At Wit's End?...

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Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Teen Drugs Tests at Home

Parents are the #1 Reason Kids Don’t Do Drugs….

Test with HairConfirm Drug Test for a 90 Day Drug History Report!

http://www.healthtestingathome.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=76

Click on the link above if you are a parent that suspects your child is using drugs. Knowing early could prevent drug addiction.

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Sue Scheff: Teen Drinking and Drugs

Teen Drug Use and Teen Drinking also known as Substance Abuse amongst teens and even children.

With today's society, kids have access to many different substances that can be addictive and damaging. If you suspect your child is using drugs or drinking alcohol, please seek help for them as soon as possible. Drug testing is helpful, but not always accurate. Teen Drug use and Teen Drinking may escalate to addiction.

We get calls constantly, that a child is only smoking pot. Unfortunately in most cases, marijuana can lead to more severe drugs, and marijuana is considered an illegal drug. Smoking marijuana is damaging to the child's body, brain and behavior. Even though marijuana is not considered a narcotic, most teens are very hooked on it. Many teens that are on prescribed medications such as Ritalin, Adderall, Strattera, Concerta, Zoloft, Prozac etc. are more at risk when mixing these medications with street drugs. It is critical you speak with your child about this and learn all the side effects. Educating your child on the potential harm may help them to understand the dangers involved in mixing prescription drugs with street drugs. Awareness is the first step to understanding.

Alcohol is not any different with today's teens. Like adults, some teens use the substances to escape their problems; however they don't realize that it is not an escape but rather a deep dark hole. Some teens use substances to "fit in" with the rest of their peers – teen peer pressure. This is when a child really needs to know that they don't need to "fit in" if it means hurting themselves. Using drug and alcohol is harming them. Especially if a teen is taking prescribed medication (refer to the above paragraph) teen drinking can be harmful. The combination can bring out the worse in a person. Communicating with your teen, as difficult as it can be, is one of the best tools we have. Even if you think they are not listening, we hope eventually they will hear you.

If your teen is experimenting with this, please step in and get proper help through local resources. If it has extended into an addiction, it is probably time for a Residential Placement. If you feel your child is only experimenting, it is wise to start precautions early. An informed parent is an educated parent. This can be your life jacket when and if you need the proper intervention. Always be prepared, it can save you from rash decisions later.

A teen that is just starting to experiment with substance use or starting to become difficult; a solid short term self growth program may be very beneficial for them. However keep in mind, if this behavior has been escalating over a length of time, the short term program may only serve as a temporary band-aid.

Drugs and Alcoholic usage is definitely a sign that your child needs help. Teen Drug Addiction and Teen Drinking is a serious problem in today’s society; if you suspect your child is using substances, especially if they are on prescribed medications, start seeking local help. If the local resources become exhausted, and you are still experiencing difficulties, it may be time for the next step; Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center.

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